Family and Children

Good morning everyone – hope you are all well and happy!

“Spring has sprung

The Grass is riz”

Let’s hope the lovely weather lasts – don’t know about you, but spring is my favourite time of year and always makes me feel so much better about everything!

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Many, many thanks to those of you who read last week’s Ramble and answered the questions about yourselves – I really appreciated it and was surprised by some of the answers so perhaps it is true that you discover things about people you would never otherwise know!  Also touched by a spectacular piece of honesty from one of you (you know who you are) which will go no further!

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I am deeply fortunate in having some nephews, nieces, their other halves and their offspring in my life – all so different and yet all so special.

Yesterday the Main Man and I were invited to lunch with the eldest nephew and his much loved wife (J and J) as the second eldest was visiting with his lovely wife (M and A) for the weekend.  We rarely get to see them, as they live in Cornwall and so the opportunity was too good to miss!

What a good time we had – nothing like family catch-ups.  What were all the children doing?  (Special congratulations to B who has secured a much wanted job ready to start after he leaves University in the summer!)  Who had seen who, who had been where – all the minutia that makes up the weft and weave of family life.  How I love those two boys!  (Grown men, one turned 50 and one fast approaching it!  I still think of them as boys and worry a lot about what happens in their lives.)

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Now when, in your opinion, does a child become an adult?  Legally it would seem to be 18 – but it seems to me that there are lots of different ideas out there!

Firstly – Shamima Begum – aged 19.  In a nutshell – left England for Syria, aged 15 using her sister’s passport,  married an Isis fighter, had two children in quick succession, sadly children died, husband captured and now in prison, she is in a camp waiting to come back to England.

There seems to be a huge drive in all sections of the media to prevent her returning with her baby to this country and I can understand why.  However, when she left here, she was a child having what she was sure would be a great adventure and, by her own admission, has no regrets.

While I think she would have to be in some form of custody for a long time, to ensure that she is not a danger to the public, I do feel this custody should be in her own country – here, where she was born.  I also feel her child should be brought up in safety in this country and possibly even adopted, so that he is not raised to think being an Isis fighter is a glamorous and good thing to be!  Presumably the issue of her husband has to be considered too – I don’t know enough about the law to know if he can apply to come here on the grounds his wife and son are here.

I heard her initial interview on the BBC – no regrets, no apologies, thought the Manchester bombing was a sort of quid pro quo for Syria being bombed.  She did herself no favours!  However she is 19 now – so technically an adult and possibly clever enough to know that her words would be heard by the remaining Isis members who would have no hesitation in killing her if she had said anything different. Context is everything!

Secondly – Aaron Campbell Aged 16 – found guilty of abduction, rape and murder of six year old Alesha.  Technically a child but found guilty of this most awful crime.  What should happen to him – he has already been told he will probably never be released, and there are already cries for him to be hanged!

Sixteen – a child– and I wonder what made him act like this?  We’ll never know but possibly lack of parenting or exposure to porn on the web or some other outside influences which can change a child just as surely as Shamima was radicalised.

This week, as in most weeks, on Facebook there was a 13 year old girl allegedly missing from home and would everyone look out for her as her mother was distraught.  The accompanying photograph showed her in full make-up dressed in a low cut, ultra short mini-dress, looking like someone in her twenties on the pull!  She was, of course, not missing at all but had spent the night with her boyfriend!  Sorry, she’s 13 – and by any standard that is a child.  She spent the night with her boyfriend?  Presumably he has a parent or two and no-one thought to check with the girl’s mother but just allowed her to stay!

Sometimes I feel the world is running out of control!

In my ideal world, I’d like children to encompass everyone aged under 18 and people from 18-21 to be young adults, with some rights and responsibilities but still not adults.  21 – Adulthood dawns!

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On a similar line, I was irritated about the children playing truant to protest about climate change.  Had they waited a week and used a day of their half term, that would have made much more impact than the sneaking feeling that a day off school and an opportunity to shout at everyone who passed was too good to miss!

It was not a Strike – it was truancy.  I do not doubt the sincerity of some of them and do not doubt that some of them had done their homework and childhood is, after all,  a time for idealism, but they chose to ignore the dire effects of pollution in places like China and the fact that the USA do not now recognise there is a problem, and instead decided to shout at this small country which has done and is doing so much to reduce this.

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Did you know that Havant has been trying to launch itself as a Dementia Friendly Town?  No, neither did I so I fetched up at the launch last week – what a dismal failure that was for something that is meant to be town-wide!  No local shops were represented, one business (a care agency), one local Solicitors and a couple of Dementia Associations and that was it.  Long way to go yet Havant!

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I love the English language in all its richness and variety.  I read a lot, and am always interested if I read or hear a word with which I am unfamiliar.  I know that the meanings of words change over time, sometimes very quickly, but it is unrealistic to expect that everyone will know of a change at the same time.  It took me a while to get used to the change in the use of ‘wicked’ and am still a bit stuck on ‘sick’.  Gay now has one accepted meaning and if you use the word in its original sense you are in dire trouble!

In the local paper, I was astonished to read, in the context of Prince Charles being the heir to the throne, that he would be “coronated”.  I was also surprised to hear a girl, obviously trying to impress an interviewer on television, say that she didn’t really know the young man in question but she had ‘conversated’ with him!

I’ve just read a book called ‘Have you eaten Grandma?’ by Gyles Brandreth and what a joy to read if you love language.  A complete guide to the importance of correct punctuation, with some wonderful examples of incorrect use (as it the book title); the importance of grammar, which sounds totally boring but is written with wit and a great deal of background knowledge.  There is also a good section on the difference between American English and English English (if you see what I mean) and I admit these can sometimes be confusing.  I heard on the radio yesterday a man talking about what it felt like to be in earthquake and missed some of it while trying to think what he meant by ‘the hutch in the family room fell over’ – home for a rabbit/guinea pig?  Still don’t know although I could google it I suppose but I much prefer to look things up in a book!

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Sorry this has gone on a bit this week – funny how sometimes I have a lot to say and other, almost nothing!

I hope you all enjoy the rest of this lovely day and have a good week.  Stay well and happy.

xx

Who am I ?

Good afternoon – how is everyone today?  Hope you are all well and have been enjoying the milder temperatures this week!

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My Blog is very given to sudden changes of direction, depending on what I am thinking about on any particular day.  Lord knows, there is never any pre-planned scheme to it.  I am always surprised that anyone at all reads my Rambles and am always deeply touched by those of you who comment to me, sometimes on here but more often privately, and are kind enough to either say they have enjoyed it or they have an additional point to make.

I am particularly touched by those of you I don’t even know and some of whom live overseas.  Thank you very much for not finding this too weird!

This week, I thought it might be fun to find out more about some of you!  I list below 10 very random facts about myself – if you have the time and inclination – please do let me have some facts about YOU.  These are not for publication but just for my interest – I like to think friends would already know these sorts of things – and we are friends if you plough through this!

1. Sometimes (just sometimes you understand!) I can be wrong!
2. I am blessed beyond measure in having such remarkable people as my friends and family.
3. Retirement changed my life in so many ways – and all for the better!
4. Being reunited with my son after 47 years was a life changing moment – and the growth of our relationship is something I never take for granted and for which I give thanks every day of my life.
5. My daughter is my joy – her inner strength and determination often fills me with awe – how did I ever give birth to this wise, sensible woman?
6. My husband is my rock – throughout our lives together he has been my supporter, my defender and my best friend.
7. I eat far too much (which is why I am fat!) but as I get older I can’t tolerate rich or spicy things – so no curry, chilli etc. for me!
8. I hate housework – there are so many other things I’d rather be doing!
9. I get hurt easily, and usually by someone who didn’t intend to cause me pain.
10. 10.Despite all the bluster and so on – I am actually shy and find meeting new people or being in unfamiliar situations really scary so I over-compensate and become  irritating.

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This week I met up with a couple of women I used to be at school with – one is my closest friend and the other almost a stranger as we haven’t really spoken since the mid sixties!  What fun it was – and some of the conversation was a real memory stretcher!  Biggest shock of all – B was telling us how she came to live in this part of the world, and she explained that her father had been relocated by his employer and they were housed here as a ‘key worker’.  Where was she housed?  In this very house where I have lived for 40+ years!!!  Talk about a surprise!

A couple of hours of reminiscence and uproarious laughter is so good for the soul!

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This week the Main Man had his Birthday – actually it’s on Valentine’s Day.  He’s always loved photography but, of late, the mechanics of focal length and other such things that I don’t understand have eluded him and he hasn’t been able to do a lot.  The Senior Girl and I clubbed together and bought him a rather lovely camera, which automatically does all the things I don’t understand – and he is like a child at Christmas.  Don’t stand still or he’ll photograph you!

On Friday the day was so warm and sunny and we had nothing else pressing to do so we went down to Old Portsmouth and wandered about.  He was photographing everything, and we had such a lovely time.  Lunch in a pub helped, then out for more photographs!  Portsmouth is so full of history and Old Portsmouth is the place to discover it if you’ve never been there.

I was particularly taken with the sign on an estate agent’s wall, apologising for the battered and broken tiles on the sides of the building but they were damaged by a bomb in the war!

If you’re not local (and even if you are actually) did you know that the First Fleet to Australia sailed from here?  Or that there is a bust of Charles I on the wall, where he returned to England having travelled all around Europe in the fruitless search for a wife? Or that Charles II married in the old Garrison Church to Catherine of Braganzia?

So much to enjoy!

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As a final Birthday celebration, the Senior Girl had booked an Afternoon Tea at a Hotel for The Main Man and I, The Cyclist and herself (the  Junior Girl was at work but we had promised to save her some goodies!).  We met up in the car park and who should be lurking just inside the door, but Our Boy! You know that feeling when you can’t believe what your eyes are telling you and your mouth drops open – that was me!

Turns out he had e-mailed the Senior Girl to say he was going to be in London and could we all get together?  She had already booked the Tea, so added him on. (If you don’t know, he lives outside Manchester and the M6 is God’s revenge on the motor car!)

After much grabbing of his arm to make sure he was real and laughter, we all enjoyed a lovely tea!  I should point out this is the third time they have done this to me with surprise visits.  I shall now be very suspicious of everything she organises – I am going with her to the dentist this week so I shall be on the look-out for surprise additions!

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It’s been a lovely week and this coming week is half term so will doubtless be lovely too.  I hope you all have a good week and stay well and happy.

Please don’t forget to let me know how you get on with your 10 questions – I await your responses with bated breath, but do feel free to message or e-mail me if you want to keep them private!

Take care x

Mostly Tradesmen and Excitement

Good morning everyone – I hope it is a good one for you and that you are all well and happy.

May I just offer my heartfelt thanks to so many of you who responded to my outpouring last week – each and every one of your comments was very valued, they cheered me up no end and I thank you all!

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Here is my exciting Good News that has nearly killed me keeping it a secret for so long!  My beautiful oldest granddaughter is pregnant!!  I heard on Christmas Day when they rang to share the news but I was asked not to say anything until she’d had her scan, just in case!

Now it’s official – it’s a boy, he looks healthy and is growing well and he is due to arrive mid-July!  We will be Great Grandparents!  That sounds terribly old and impressive!  I am so excited!

Updates will follow with boring regularity I feel sure.

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I had a small bit of repair to some brickwork that needed doing.  The lovely man who has done all sorts of bits of bricklaying in the past for me isn’t terribly well so I though I should look further afield. I rang my brother to ask if there was anyone he could recommend.  Of course, he always knows someone!  The chap was a delight, older than us, retired, fit as a flea and just does odds and ends of work for people he knows – as he said, enough to keep him in beer for a few days!

He turned up when he said he would, did the job beautifully and left everything clean and tidy!  A proper old-fashioned tradesman, and they are like gold-dust if you can find one.  I am not giving his name because he is quite picky about what he does (and I shouldn’t think for a moment that the Taxman knows!) – but there are others like him out there and they are worth searching for.

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I also had a problem with my boiler!  Ideal timing – just as the snow was due!  I rang the chap who services it every year for me – and he was in Australia on holiday (48 degrees Fahrenheit that day!)  However he recommended a firm to me that would help.

The chap turned up on time – but he only looked about 15!  However, he told me that he had done a full 4 year apprenticeship and was fully qualified!  What a great job he did.  Got it fixed so it would last a few days until he came back with the parts!  Again, he turned up when he said he would, replaced the parts (and insisted in showing me the worn parts, so that I would understand what the problem was.  Good intentions but wasted on me!)  It was quickly up and running, he cleaned up after himself and off he went!

I’d recommend them to anyone – All About Gas based in Havant – they were reasonably priced, efficient and helpful – just what I ask for!

Sorry this sounds like a Checkatrade advert but a good contact for tradesmen is never wasted!

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One of life’s co-incidences that make the world seem a better place for a while!

After I had the excitement of the dentist, the Main Man and I went next door to The Spring to see the monthly film, especially for Dementia patients and their carers.  This month was The Sound of Music.  After a cuppa, it was time to go in and a lovely young woman found me a paper cup so I could take tea in with me. (Richly deserved after all the poking about in my mouth by the Dentist and the Hygienist!)

I have seen the film about a hundred times before but it was fine.  There was some singing along but fairly quiet! At the interval there was tea/coffee and biscuits (all free of charge).  As we were leaving the helpful young woman asked me if my name was Chris.

I owned up and she asked if I remembered her parents and told me their names!  Remember them?  I shall never forget the kindness of her father who followed the ambulance and stayed with me at the hospital on the eventful day that the Main Man was so ill at a friend’s wedding in London.

I remember the attractive young woman as being a girl – so it shows how quickly the years pass – and it did put a smile on my face.

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After a bit of a hectic week, the Main Man and I were talking about holidays – we have a couple of coach trips coming up – but we have decided to take up my Friend on his offer and go back to visit West Virginia later this the year for what will probably be our last ‘big’ holiday.

Great excitement – but I came down to earth with a bump when it came to Travel Insurance.  Obviously, being the USA, we need to have good medical cover – otherwise I honestly think I wouldn’t have bothered!  The prices were astronomical – well over £1000 –  and the more I looked, the worse they got!  I tried all those that people had recommended and, in the end, I gave up the struggle and picked one – now I just hope we don’t need it!

Flights are booked with Virgin – and we bagged an upgrade for the return flight – to Upper Class!  How excited am I?  It’s an overnight flight – so we shall have lay-flat beds! The Senior Girl said I was not to sleep but to stay on the look-out for anyone famous.  Then she thought about it, realised I never know who anyone famous is, so I was instructed just to watch and listen!

Further updates will obviously follow!

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I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day and that a good week lies ahead for you.

Do take care of yourselves.

xx

Snow? What Snow?

Morning everyone – sorry there has been a bit of a gap since I last wrote but I got a bit overtaken by life and general ‘busyness’.  Hope are all feeling well and cheerful this morning.

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I watched with interest the weather forecasts last weekend as the threat of snow was creeping nearer.  Then it was definite – we would have snow on Thursday.  Thursday morning came and went, chilly and a bit damp – and then in the late afternoon there were a few flakes, which had vanished by the time I put my shoes on and went outside to investigate.  It started to snow during the evening and looked to be quite heavy so off I trotted to bed and to forget all about it.

In the morning, I leapt (well crawled) out of bed and looked out of the window – there was just a bit of snow in the garden with the grass poking through, the pavements were just wet and by the time I’d had breakfast it had really started to thaw.  By tea time – nothing to show it has even been.

My sister in law in Cornwall was snowed in; my brother and sister in law had set off to Devon for a family celebration, armed with a snow shovel, blankets, flasks and so on and arrived without incident.

I find it all very odd that places just ten miles or less away from us were really stuck with heavy snow and drifts, but we were having cold and wet.  Perhaps we live in a micro-climate!

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The Pallant Centre in Havant (which used to be the church hall) is now a busy centre for meetings, clubs etc and has really been ‘done up’ with efficient heating, kitchen, new toilets etc.  Once a month they hold a ‘De-stash’ event – which is actually an indoor car-boot sale.  I had a table and hauled along a lot of odds and ends to try and dispose of them.

I’ve never tried selling at a car-boot but found it to be great fun with different people to chat to and managed to shift some bits and pieces.  The atmosphere was good, there was tea and cake and friendly people – plus I made some money!  Bit of a win-win really!

A man of my own age appeared, and we kissed and laughed as I recognised him – we had been at school together!  He was passing and popped in to say hello as he had seen on Facebook that I would be there – how lovely was that!  Thanks Dixie, you made my morning!

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This is not a moan at all but just an observation.  If you have read my bits on here before, you will know that the Main Man has Alzheimer’s – this is not a secret and we are quite open about it as the more people know about it, the easier his life is.

I have had to change a lot, find strength I wasn’t sure I had, become patient (difficult) and try not to show irritation (equally difficult!).  I’ve also had to make decisions that I would rather not have had to make.  However, we have been married for 45 years come May, so I guess we will muddle through in the same way we have always done!

Please don’t tell me you have spoken to him and ‘he is fine’ – he isn’t fine, he’s trying hard!  Please don’t tell me he shouldn’t be driving – Hampshire County Council have carried out an assessment on behalf of the DVLA and there is no reason why he shouldn’t drive for a while longer yet.  Please don’t tell me he’s looking frail – I know, but he is stronger than he looks.

Forgive me if I ignore you if we bump into each other – I may be watching him negotiate doing something tricky for himself, or I may just be worrying and genuinely not see you.  Forgive me if we don’t turn up sometimes at anything – because he can’t remember where or why we are going and it’s not worth the tears and upset.  Please forgive me if I can’t talk on the phone – there may well be something else going on that I have to be aware of.  If you see us out and about, please do speak to him normally – it means such a lot to him.

I am eternally grateful for my amazing daughter, who will just pop in for a hug; take her Dad out for an hour to give me a break; listen to me; understand, still treat her Dad as her Dad, and not as someone different; and just be there.  Also to my Brother, who will always include us if he is going somewhere the MM might like; who takes the MM to football to watch his beloved Havant play; who just pops in and out; and, with his equally wonderful wife, is always at the end of the phone, and helps in all sorts of unexpected ways; and just for the strength they give me.

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The sun is shining, the washing is done, the Main Man is at church, where he is loved and cared for, dinner is organised – so time for a quick cup of tea I think.

Please take care of yourselves, stay well and keep warm. x